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Avoid Pity Parties




If you’re not careful, you can remain in that “pity pit” for the rest of your life and that will only serve to isolate you. While friends and family may initially take pity on you, they eventually will get weary of hearing your constant moans and groans about your problems. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t explain how you feel, but just don’t dwell on the problem.


Pity can also develop into life-altering fear. If you were driving the car that caused someone’s death, you may never want to drive again, even with someone else. If you got a divorce because you’re partner was unfaithful, you may feel that you can’t trust anyone ever again.


And worst of all, pity can turn you against God, the very One you need most of all in your trial.




Instead of thinking things like: “Why did you do this to me, God?” “Why have you deserted me, God?” or “There can’t be a loving God if this could happen to me,” try changing your self-pity thoughts into a desire to grow and learn from your trial.


Try asking, “How do I get out of this pity party state that I’m in, God?” “God, help me to learn from all this pain, so I can help others in their pain.” “God, I know Your Word says that you can work all things for good, I believe that. So help me to find the good in my situation. I love you and I will keep looking for the blessings in my day and not the pity.”


There's a time to mourn, but then, there is a time to see the blessings.  Try being thankful when you're in the hospital because you're able to appreciate the good care that you are receiving.  Try being thankful when you're standing at the gravesite of your loved one because you know that they aren’t hurting anymore.  You might even consider being thankful for losing your job because you know that God must have a better plan in mind.


Thankfulness can erase a lot of hurt and anger. It clears your mind to start your life over in a new direction. Start and end your day thinking about all you have to be thankful for.


Think of others. If you have some serious problems going on in your life, stop and think of someone else. If you haven’t gotten close enough to anyone to learn about their trials, start listening more, join an outreach group at your church, or get into a small group that opens up to each other about their needs.

I’ve always found that there is someone worse off then me. And even if they aren’t, you can still show compassion and do whatever it takes to help.

Make a phone call, write a letter, visit them in the hospital, bring over a meal, watch their children, walk their dog, or just stop by to listen.

Of course, like everything we do, choose your outreaching activities with care. Don’t get so caught up in doing for others that you neglect your health or your family. And don’t just do for others because you feel you have to; pray about it and do it out of love and concern.

Thankfulness, giving, and love will begin to pull you out of that pit of pity and open your life up to endless joy.

Our five-year-old daughter, Kimberly, died in a car accident. I was hospitalized for two months. It would have been so easy to quit or wallow in my pity, but all I had to do was look into the face of our nine-year-old son to realize I had to get over my “feelings” and back to the living.

You may read the entire account of our trial in my latest book, Treasures from the Wreckage. You will not only find a compelling story in the pages of this book, but an easy-to-follow seventy-page Biblically-based study guide to help you find the treasures from your own wreckage. Also, if you would like your church or organization to hold a FREE Treasures from Your Tears Workshop, just contact me to set up a date.    © 2011
Offering HOPE to Caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients and the Bereaved